Reading: Jokes about exams
This is a list of funny jokes about exams and study!
Absence!
Father: Why did you get such a low score on that exam?
Son: Absence!
Father: You were absent on the day of the exam?
Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!
Age
Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can’t look that old? Well, you’ll love this one…
My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his diploma, which had his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name who had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with a deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.
“Yes. Yes, I did.” he gleamed with pride.
“When did you graduate?” I asked.
He answered, “In 1967. Why do you ask?”
“You were in my class!” I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat, gray-haired man asked, “What did you teach?”
An exam today come rain or shine!
Pupil: Great news, the teacher says we have an exam today come rain or shine.
Classmate: So what’s so great about that?
Pupil: It’s snowing outside!
Call for backup
A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He answered, “Call for backup.”
Chemistry exam
ON A CHEMISTRY EXAM at Midpark High School in Middleburg Heights, Ohio, one question concerned how to clean the floor after a chemical powder spill. In detail, I described the liquid I would combine with the powder in order to dissolve it with chemical bonding and electron transfer. I was pleased with my grasp of molecular structure until the exams were handed back. Our teacher asked another student to read her answer. She suggested a broom and a dustpan to sweep up the spill — and got full credit.
Exams are like girlfriends!
Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS:
1. Too Many Questions.
2. Difficult to Understand.
3. More Explanation is Needed.
4. The result is always FAIL!
Grading of final exams!
Here is a list of the ways professors here at the American University grade their final exams: Dept Of Statistics: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
Dept Of Psychology: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them, and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
Dept Of History: All students get the same grade they got last year.
Dept Of Religion: Grade is determined by God.
Dept Of Philosophy: What is a grade?
Law School: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
Dept Of Mathematics: Grades are variable.
Dept Of Logic: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
Dept Of Computer Science: A random number generator determines the grade.
Music Department: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note ( a + and – would be sharp and flat respectively).
Dept Of Physical Education: Everybody gets an A
Hated nation
Teacher: Name the nation people hate most
Student: Exami-nation…
How did your exams go?
Father: How did your exams go?
Son: I got nearly 100 in every subject
Father: What do you mean, nearly 100?
Son: The questions didn’t give me any trouble, just the answers!
I don’t deserve it!
Pupil: I don’t think I deserved a zero on this exam.
Class: I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you!
Science Final Exam
The not-necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed:
“Give four advantages of breast milk.”
What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:
1. No need to boil.
2. Cats can’t steal it.
3. Available whenever necessary.
So far so good – maybe.
But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:
4. Available in attractive containers.
The ghosts of the white house
One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him Bush asks him, “George, what’s the best thing I can do to help the country?”
“Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” Washington advises and then fades away
The next night, Bush is astir again and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, “Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?”
“Respect the Constitution, as I did,” Jefferson advises and dims from sight…
The third night’s sleep still does not come for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, “Franklin, What is the best thing I can do to help the country?”
“Help the less fortunate, just as I did,” FDR replies and fades into the mist…
Bush isn’t sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, “Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?”
Lincoln replies, “Go see a play.”
Toy
The young mother skeptically examined a new educational toy. “Isn’t it rather complicated for a small boy?” she asked the sales clerk. “It’s designed to teach the child how to live in today’s world, madam,” the shop clerk replied. “Any way he tries to put it together is wrong.”
True story
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination.
On the paper there was a single line which simply said: “Is this a question?” – Discuss.
After a short time, he wrote: “If that is a question, then this is an answer.”
The student received an “A” on the exam.
why?
Birth and death come once in life…
Love comes once in life…
Marriage comes once in life…
But
Why does this bloody ‘EXAM’ come again and again…
Teaching English Using Humor